Why Adverbs Are The Tequila Of Writing Dialogue


I have been writing about dialogue these past few weeks.
Today, I want to talk about adverbs and why you should try to avoid them. 

Adverbs tell us how something was done. You should rather try to show
us how it was done. When I talk about adverbs I want you to be pay close
attention to the words that end in –ly, namely adverbs of manner. Instead of using these, I want you to try to use
verbs, but not any old verb will do. I want you to use strong verbs, for example, stride instead of walk, sprint or race instead of run.
Knowing which verbs to use will be easier if you know your
character well. Think of the difference between a woman who strides and a woman
who shuffles. Each verb creates a different person or a different scene. 
You don’t have to obliterate adverbs, but often they are
redundant or could be replaced by a strong verb. Adverbs are the tequila of writing. There is no such thing
as one tequila and there is no such thing as one adverb. Once you have used
one, more will sneak in. Be careful.
When all is said
That said I want to talk about the word said. Said is
awesome. Use it. Don’t replace it with words like admonished or exclaimed.
Stephen King recommends using them only 10% of the time. It’s good advice. Said
is invisible to a reader.  

Below is an example of dialogue with adverbs and verbs other
than said. I used the prompt: ‘Keep your morals away from me’.
“Don’t do it.” Alice demanded angrily.
“Keep your morals away from me.” Janet said snidely as she
stood over John, tightly tied up in the corner.
“You’ve never minded my morals before.” Alice retorted
sarcastically.
“Well, I mind them now.” Janet said irritably as she
steadied the gun, the weight of it uncomfortably heavy in her inexperienced
hand.
“How inconvenient for you that I am here then.  Please, just drop the gun, Janet,” Alice said as
seriously as possible. “We both know you are not going to shoot him.”
“I am going to shoot him. I hate him.” Janet said bitterly.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  
John whimpered through his gag and pleaded with his eyes.
“You don’t hate him, you love him. You always have.” Alice
said, exasperated.  
“No, you are wrong. I used to love him.” She said as she
squeezed the trigger.
Now the rewrite:

I have removed adverbs and added action to show, instead of
tell.
“Don’t do it.” Alice grabbed Janet’s arm.
“Keep your morals away from me.” Janet pulled away and stood
in front of him, trussed up and pathetic in the corner.  She steadied the gun, the weight of it
uncomfortable and heavy in her inexperienced hand.
“You’ve never minded my morals before.” Alice said, folding
her arms.
“Well, I mind them now.” Janet said, as she levelled the
weapon.
“How inconvenient for you that I am here then. Just, drop
the gun,” Alice stood in front of Janet and took a step closer so that the gun
pressed against her breastbone. “We both know you are not going to shoot him.”
“I am going to shoot him. I hate him.”  They watched him squirm. He whimpered through
his gag.
“You don’t hate him, you love him. You always have.”
Alice shoved Janet out the way. “No, you are wrong. I used
to love him,” she said as she stepped over her sister. She smiled as she
squeezed the trigger.
Using action makes the story immediate. It also stops you
from creating unwieldly words that your reader will have to reread. Look at your
last piece of dialogue and try using an action instead of an adverb. 

Happy writing.  

Writing prompts are an excellent way to exercise the writing muscle. If you want to receive a free daily prompt from us, send an email to news@writerswrite.co.za with the word DAILY PROMPT in the subject line. We will add you to our mailing list. 

 by Mia Botha

If you enjoyed this post, you will love:

  1. All You Need To Know About Punctuating And Formatting Dialogue
  2. 8 Important Things To Remember When You Rewrite Dialogue
  3. How To Write Fabulous Dialogue In 5 Easy Steps

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    This article has 0 comments

    1. meghana

      very nice and useful too..benificial to
      inhans vocabulary also…i m not much familier with english…learning…bt i like your post..thank u ..

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